I was out on this GORGEOUS day, strollin’ in the sunshine with some serious pep in my step, keys a-janglin’, dogs a-trottin’, just loving the heck out of ol’ West Harlem soaked in the first inklings of Springtime.

Until I realized something terrible. All my dogs have more friends than I do.

The adorable Frenchie, Digby (pictured left, and who you may remember from Halloween), is best friends with Liesl, a spunky black mutt with a penchant for wrastlin’. I walk them together pretty much every day, after they get in a good round of playing-that-looks-like-fighting-but-isn’t. Digby and Liesl get to see at least a billion other neighborhood dogs almost every morning when their owners take them to the park for off-leash doggie socializing time.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t get to see my best friend every day. Heck, to be honest, I don’t know if I could stand to. Not that my best friend’s not great and all, but after a while you run out of things to talk about, and then what do you do?

But dogs, they can see each other every single day and never get tired of each other. Digby and Liesl go through the same motions every time: We get to Liesl’s house, and I have to muster up the muscles to restrain Digby long enough to get his leash off before he flies at Liesl’s back legs and starts gnawing on her. Then Liesl grabs Digby by the throat and sort of chews a little bit (Digby’s favorite), and it goes on like this for a few minutes until I pull them apart and we go on our walk. Every. Single. Day.

They never say, “You know, I just don’t feel like playfighting today, why don’t we just watch a movie?” They meet their pooch pals and have a great time like they hadn’t seen each other in years.

I grew up in the suburbs, and I had quite a few dogs. I also had a backyard big enough for them to run around in all day, so there wasn’t really any socializing among neighborhood dogs. When there was, it was usually in the form of a fight which was probably brought on by some territorial issues.

City dogs are this amazing breed unto themselves, with entire social lives and a completely different way of navigating their worlds. Since this is the Doggy Bloggy of the best dang dogwalking company around, I’m shifting the focus of this shindig to the best dang dogs around: NYC Pooches.

So from here on out, expect news, stories, and pictures of New York City dogs, in all their swanky, totally popular glory. I’ll try not to get too jealous.

From the New York Daily News (WARNING: graphic video at the end of the article, view at your own risk): Maria Aguilar of Queens has been routinely beating her 11-month-old English bulldog with a snow shovel. Her husband has taken the pup to the vet 12 times in the past 7 months for treatment relating to “a hip fracture, a broken leg, three broken teeth and injuries to his ears,” as well as blindness in one of his eyes.

Spike sustained multiple lifelong injuries at the hands of his owner.

Aguilar was arrested for aggravated animal cruelty and possession of a weapon, and thank goodness for that. The world can be a seriously messed up place, and sometimes it seems like that’s just the way it is. War and natural disaster and hunger and on and on, it all makes me wonder if we’re not just along for some out of control rollercoaster ride. But then something like this happens.

A person takes a puppy (can you GET much cuter than a bulldog puppy?), and instead of loving and nourishing it and getting a cuddly long-term companion… She beats it. She INTENTIONALLY misuses the trust he’s placed in her as a provider and leader of the pack. She DELIBERATELY inflicts lifelong pain, potentially turning that animal from someone’s best friend into a mean, angry dog who growls and bites people because he’s in constant pain, and because the person who was supposed to love him only showed him that those things on two legs do nothing but hurt. That is nothing but pure self-made cruelty.

Puppies don’t often just fall into one’s home, and they certainly don’t stay there by accident. You have to go out and get a puppy. You have to think, “I’m gonna feed it and take it outside” at the very least. It’s sizable commitment. Oftentimes when you hear about animal cruelty cases like this one, the animal “did something” animals do: maybe it chewed through a wire or had a few accidents, and the moron owner thought a puppy was going to come housetrained and bring in the paper every morning. When they realize that’s not how puppies are, they beat it, expecting it to get the hint.

We don’t know the details of the abuse. I couldn’t find a statement from Aguilar as to why she did this. Not that anything she could have possibly said would have excused or justified her behavior, but maybe hearing something from her could provide some inspiration into ways to get people to stop thinking this is ok. Like widely available information on the nearest shelter that you can drop an unwanted animal off at any time. Or free or low-cost neighborhood puppy (and owner) training classes. Or a foster care system where people can “practice” caring for an animal for a few weeks at a time.

If nothing else, I hope Aguilar’s sentence includes some mandatory psychological counseling. Anyone who can do that to a defenseless animal needs help, and lots of it.

First of all, there is something wrong with you if you haven’t seen the movie Cool Runnings and thus don’t read the title of this post and automatically become FILLED WITH JOY. I won’t blame you for this flaw in your character. All you have to do is add it to your NetFlix queue right now. I’ll wait.

Great! Now that you’re all set to watch the most inspiring movie OF ALL TIME other than Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, we can get to the meat of today’s doggy bloggy goodness: Jamaican dogsledding!

Now, it may sound crazy, but if Cool Runnings tells us anything, it’s that Jamaicans can totally rock snow sports despite average temperatures of 80-90°F. Newton Marshall is Jamaica’s hopeful in the 2010 Iditarod Sled Dog Race this coming weekend. The race is 1,868 km kilometers (or 1,161 miles, if you’re like me and don’t know a darn thing about the Rest of the World’s system of measurement) and temperatures can reach -100°F. No, Toto, we are not in Kingston any more.

And did I mention that the team is sponsored by Jimmy Buffet?

Image taken from Ben's Breakfast Blog.

(Don’t hold that against them.)

He’s the World’s Tallest Dog, a Great Dane clocking in at 245 pounds and 7 feet 3 inches ohmigosh when standing on his back legs. They should rent him out for toddlers to ride around a small dirt circle.

Giant George is 4 years old. He eats 110 pounds of food every week. He sleeps in his own king-sized-freaking-bed. Can I have his life?

Great Danes are such beautiful dogs. I’ve always loved the big breeds, but compared to the Irish Wolfhound (the other redonkulously large breed), Great Danes totally win. Look at George up there. Don’t you just want to curl up on a very small portion of a very large sofa with George and watch some TV? That’s the kind of dog you want to hang out with. Irish Wolfhound? Looks like it hunts for human flesh every full moon.

OK, I swear, after this post, I’m done talking about mutts v. purebreds. But I just thought this was too awesome/cute not to share.

You know The View? Where snarky ladies of all ages and background (maybe not ALL, but you gotta give ‘em props for an honorable attempt at inclusiveness, plus I mean, you can’t go wrong with Whoopi Goldberg, let’s be real) come together in the daytime to snark their hearts out all over your TV?

Well these lovely ladies have a soft spot for mutts, and I can totally relate. Last year (also, I believe, around the Westminster Dog show), they hosted the first annual Mutt Show. The Mutt Show is judged by David Fry of the WKC and is divided into two sections. In the first, selected viewers parade their beloved pooches; in the second, we see mutts that are up for adoption at the North Shore Animal League America. What a great way to get people interested and involved in adopting pets!

The videos I could find of this year’s Mutt Show were sort of low-quality (but check them out here). Here’s video of the 2009 Mutt Show’s Viewer segment, in which Starr Jones calls the Westminster Kennel Club bitchy. LOVE IT.

“Room for Debate” at NYTimes is a commentary blog which allows outside contributors to post their stances on a particular current issue. With the dog show and PETA’s cockamamie protest on my mind (and as someone who’s owned both mutts and purebred dogs), I was glad to stumble upon this edition: Feeling Guilty About Your Purebred Dog?

They really did a fine job getting people to speak from across the board: there’s a case for purebreds (the predictability of personality traits inherent to a breed increases chances that the dog will be a good match for the owner and thus not end up in a shelter) and a case for mutts (many pure breed puppies come from exploitative breeders who perpetuate genetic deficiencies; mutts come with built-in “hybrid vigor”). But to be honest, the statement that took an entirely different approach was the one that really struck home for me.

Ted Kerasote’s “Assigning Blame is Hard to Do” takes the stance that in this debate, we’re not looking at the real issues: careless breeding and an outdated, inefficient shelter system. Kerasote points out that striving for a specific appearance through drawing from a small gene pool has compromised breeds’ genetic health (e.g. 60% of Goldies in the US die of cancer). He goes on to say that the way our shelter system is currently run, with inconvenient hours and a lack of proactive community involvement, it’s no wonder that more dogs aren’t getting adopted (and are euthanized instead).

Protesters interrupt Sadie's victory march.

Two PETA protesters (thankfully not dressed in KKK regalia) held up signs that said, “Mutts Rule” and “Breeders Kill Shelter Dogs’ Chances.” While I would agree that mutts totally rule, is it really necessary to put all this heat on breeders and others who love a specific make and model? Kerasote wraps up his statement beautifully:

Assigning blame to one or the other won’t do much to bring more genetic diversity into the world of purebred dogs or help shelters operate in more diverse and life-saving ways. Nor does instigating guilt give the slightest nod toward the magic that happens when a person and a dog, purebred or not, fall in love.

Amen, brother.

AP Photo / Henry Ray Abrams

In case you missed it, here’s the video of Best in Show from the Westminster Dog Show. The winner was that super cuteness in the picture, a Scottish terrier named Sadie. She was the favorite from the start–and this is her 112th Best in Show! When do they just give you a lifetime supply of Milk Bars and call it a day?

Every time I watch a dog show, I imagine what it must feel like to have someone looking at your teeth or pretending they’re gonna give something you really want to eat and then pretending to eat it themselves just so you won’t lose interest in it. I don’t know how they’re so patiently standing through all that. I would lose my mind in that ring. I’d be all, “Pretend to eat that cookie again, and I swear I will bite off your hand.”

But they’re totally Zen. One with the cookie. Be one with the cookie. Om.

Dog-induced Buddhism aside, PETA’s gripe with the Westminster Dog Kennel isn’t their total popping of pooch’s personal bubbles, it’s that “the American Kennel Club promotes pure-breeding of dogs that is harmful to their health.” Protesters stood outside Madison Square Garden yesterday dressed… are you sitting down?… in KKK costumes. From the Gothamist,

PETA spokesman Michael McGraw admits “it’s an uncomfortable comparison,” but he insists the AKC is trying to create a “master race” (not to mention breeding while adorable mutts overflow the shelters)

I’m sorry… Uncomfortable comparison? It is a little more than uncomfortable, bro, it’s the KK-freaking-K. PETA’s tactics bother me on many different levels. I just don’t like them. This doesn’t make it any better. Although Jen Carlson’s totally got a point in her parenthetical there. Why get a poodle or a dobie when you could stop on down at your local shelter and choose a dog that is all the best parts of a poodle and a dobie and a Frenchie AND a Scottie!

If you needed another excuse to consider your dog basically human, here it is: Puppy Tweets.

Despite my initial hesitance to hop on the Twitter Train, I’ll admit now that online social networking is one of the most genius things ever to come out of a bored, nerdy college kid’s Friday night. But a toy that updates Twitter on behalf of your dog?

Sure, maybe that WOULD be cool if it could actually tell you that your pooch watches TV all day while you’re gone and loves his walker (all NYC Pooches would totally tweet about how awesome their walkers are), but the responses are canned and random: “”I finally caught that tail I’ve been chasing, and . . . OOUUUCHH!” could be triggered by running or barking. The article compares it to a Magic 8 Ball, and that seems about right. Except a Magic 8 Ball is way cooler.

Executives at the nation’s largest toy maker aren’t concerned that the toy’s pre-written tweets could grow tiresome, saying Puppy Tweets is intended to be more entertaining than high-tech.

OK, sure. So maybe Puppy Tweets can’t tell you exactly what your dog is doing in a given moment and rubbing his butt on the carpet could translate to, “Throw the ball!” And it does have 500 tweets to deliver, so there’s no immediate danger of repetition/ensuing boredom.

But… Pre-fab tweets that are only nominally connected to your dog’s actual movement/sound just doesn’t seem to be as awesome as it could be. You might as well make a Twitter for your pooch and update it yourself. You know, for real. You could even pretend it came from Fido, if it helps.

Now, I do kind of feel like I’m missing something. This just doesn’t seem like a neat thing to me, even if it is just a toy. And I personally have this pesky little habit of thinking of my dog as a dog. I know that’s not everyone’s cup of tea, and I’m all about massive amounts of pretty obsessive love being given to our furry friends. But until something comes out that can give me at least an approximation of what my dog is thinking, I’m not all that interested in Fido’s tweets.

Besides, notes from your NYC Pooch walker are way better updates on your dog’s day, and we are JUST as cute.

I bet if you’ve ever been to Brooklyn’s Park Slope, you were met with tree-lined streets and happy families wheeling their 2.5 kids around in strollers. You’d probably think it’s a pretty safe neighborhood, wouldn’t you? Well you’d be wrong!

From WPIX.com, a story about a woman whose 10-year-old Westie was straight up mugged for his coat while he was tied to a pole outside of a grocery store. The owner, Donna McPherson, went into the store to buy some milk and came out to a naked, cold, sad-lookin’ pooch.

In the video, McPherson exclaims, “It’s ludicrous!” and, well, that’s about all I can come up with too. What’s that scenario look like? Person walks down the street, sees poor little Lexie the Westie sporting a stylish green coat, thinks, “My little Bruno would look SMASHING in that!” and — this is Park Slope we’re talking about, y’all, Brooklyn’s most family-friendly… ghetto? — jacks the coat off the Westie and books it down the street. Lu. Di. Crous.

The article mentions that police have no leads to the puppy robber. Really, NYPD?! I don’t care how many home invasions or bank robberies or murders or whatever you’ve got to look out for, there is a puppy short one cute green coat out there. Some things just make you want to cry.

In other news, a 19-year-old from California fended off a mountain lion with his pit bull/German shepherd mix and… a ninja sword.

Don’t leave home without it… Especially if you turn your back on your pooch in Park Slope.**

**”Employees at Ace Supermarket were shocked about the doggie mugging, and insist the neighborhood is typically safe for mutts and humans alike.”

Well, it’s finally happened. The Snuggie, a blanket with arms/a robe worn backwards/the greatest joke ever played on the American television shopper, now comes sized for pooches. The video above is their TV spot, a brilliant testament to advertising’s ability to convince you to buy just about anything.

So what’s so awesome about the Snuggie that distinguishes it from other doggy clothes? Well, it’s a blanket. With… arms. So now even Fluffy can romp in the yard, stripped of his final shred of dignity.

If you call now, you’ll get not one but TWO Snuggie Dogs, and what’s more–a talking dog tag! If your little one gets lost, its dog tag can play a message that sounds something like this: “Hi. My name is Fluffy. PLEASE TAKE THIS BLANKET OFF OF ME AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T BRING ME BACK THERE.”

So call now, and for only $14.95, you too can turn your pooch into a hollow shell of the dog he once was.