If you needed another excuse to consider your dog basically human, here it is: Puppy Tweets.

Despite my initial hesitance to hop on the Twitter Train, I’ll admit now that online social networking is one of the most genius things ever to come out of a bored, nerdy college kid’s Friday night. But a toy that updates Twitter on behalf of your dog?

Sure, maybe that WOULD be cool if it could actually tell you that your pooch watches TV all day while you’re gone and loves his walker (all NYC Pooches would totally tweet about how awesome their walkers are), but the responses are canned and random: “”I finally caught that tail I’ve been chasing, and . . . OOUUUCHH!” could be triggered by running or barking. The article compares it to a Magic 8 Ball, and that seems about right. Except a Magic 8 Ball is way cooler.

Executives at the nation’s largest toy maker aren’t concerned that the toy’s pre-written tweets could grow tiresome, saying Puppy Tweets is intended to be more entertaining than high-tech.

OK, sure. So maybe Puppy Tweets can’t tell you exactly what your dog is doing in a given moment and rubbing his butt on the carpet could translate to, “Throw the ball!” And it does have 500 tweets to deliver, so there’s no immediate danger of repetition/ensuing boredom.

But… Pre-fab tweets that are only nominally connected to your dog’s actual movement/sound just doesn’t seem to be as awesome as it could be. You might as well make a Twitter for your pooch and update it yourself. You know, for real. You could even pretend it came from Fido, if it helps.

Now, I do kind of feel like I’m missing something. This just doesn’t seem like a neat thing to me, even if it is just a toy. And I personally have this pesky little habit of thinking of my dog as a dog. I know that’s not everyone’s cup of tea, and I’m all about massive amounts of pretty obsessive love being given to our furry friends. But until something comes out that can give me at least an approximation of what my dog is thinking, I’m not all that interested in Fido’s tweets.

Besides, notes from your NYC Pooch walker are way better updates on your dog’s day, and we are JUST as cute.